Transform Self-Doubt into Self-Confidence
Who am I to do this?
What do I know?
What do I have to offer, have to say about it?
Stuck in Doubt
The nerves build up. The nerves build up so so high that they become an insurmountable wall. It’s impossible to scale. The wall of doubt sits there…. and so do you. Stopped. Not moving forward. not doing the thing you were born to do. Not answering the call fo your heart.
Waiting, you tell yourself
Gathering more tools, trainings, tricks
Stockpiling information and ideas
Never chancing to move on them
Not moving because you doubt. You down you’ll measure up. You won’t stand up to the challenge. You’ll suck at it. You’ll fail. Other people won’t like it. You’ll be embarrassed. Worst of all, you’ll be exposed as the fraud, the fake, the absolute imposter that you actually are.
So What?
To those doubts I say: SO WHAT?
So what if you fumble your words?
So what if other people didn’t like it? (Did you?)So what is you fail? Really, SO WHAT? What does failing even mean?So what if you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed?
So what, then you’re…. human?
You’re a human who tried a thing that didn’t go exactly as planned the very first time. (But it probably went better than your doubt told you it would)
The voice of your doubt only tells part of the story. It doesn’t tell you what happens AFTER the fumble. And what happens after is the most important part.
What Happens AFTER
What happens next if you’ve fallen down is you pick yourself back up. You wash the dirt from your knees. You lick your wounds. You have a good rage or a deep cry. You learn. You shift. You decide if you’ll try again.
You keep breathing…. because even when you fail, you’re ok.
Even when you fumble, you learn something.
Even if nobody liked it, you’re still lovable.
Into Confidence
Self doubt transforms into self-confidence not because you know you can do thing thing, or you know it will always come out golden. No, self-doubt becomes self-confidence when you trust yourself to know WITHOUT a shred of doubt that you will be OK on the other side.
The barrier of doubt crumbles in the face of that kind of confidence. Then off you go, dancing into the unknown. Answering the call of your heart. Trusting that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you will still LOVE YOU.
So, I ask you: Now What?
I hope you’ll answer that you’ll take a step past that wall of doubt. But if it feels a little scary, find quotes and an exercise to help below.
Famous Quotes to inspire …
From Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?.… Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
Theodore Roosevelt adds to the discussion.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
Loosen the Grip of Self-Doubt
Here’s a writing exercise to help loosen self-doubt’s grip on you
Notice an area of your life where doubt is stopping you
Make two columns on a piece of paper
In the first column write down what doubt is telling you could happen (ex. I will fail, I will suck at this, People will laugh at me..)
The second column is the so what column. Write down what happens next (ex. If I fail —> I will problem solve where it went wrong and try again)
Remember to insist on EXTREME SELF COMPASSION with all your answers. What would a kindly grandmother, or your bestie for life tell you about the things in the first column? Write that in the second column.
Here’s an example for a fictional yoga teacher
Doubt and Failure: I will flub my words and the students will be confused. I’ll look like a fraud
So What?If that happens I will pause and say something like: “oops, got that wrong, let’s have a do-over” and will refresh my cues. I’ll get the students back on track. Then I will give myself grace and self-compassion for flubbing. I will remind myself that I’m human, everyone makes mistakes. I will remind myself that I have something to offer my students whether or not I get the words out exactly as I mean to every single time. I will show up and try again. And if I’m still beating myself up later I will talk to a friend to get some perspective.
After working through this doubt, the teacher has a plan for dealing with mess ups (which are inevitable). The plan sets them up for self compassion in the moment which ultimately leads to self-confidence over time.
I love this exercise for calming your doubts. But you know as well as I do that the real way to build confidence is to just do the thing.
Start small. Notice your doubts, make a plan to be kind to yourself no matter what. Slowly but surely, your confidence will grow and soon be living more from your heart than you ever dreamed you could.
I’ve written about this before. If you want more support transforming doubt… check out these posts
When Self Doubt Comes Up
Go Beyond Your Wall to Get to Your Authentic Life
A Surprising Key to more Confidence
And when you’re ready for individual help to move forward, let’s connect!