Feeling Stuck? Check your PULSE
“I feel like my feet are planted in cement” - me talking to one of my coaches years ago.
“I don’t know why I feel so blocked. I want to write, but when I try, nothing happens.” - a friend talking about her writing process.
“I need to take time for myself, I know it. But the PTA meeting is tomorrow, and my oldest is coming home from college next week.” - a coaching client.
“I know I need to leave this relationship, it’s not working. But I can’t see a way out of it” - younger me.
“I was taught to teach yoga in a particular way, but that way doesn’t resonate with me anymore. What I wanna do is try something new, but I’m scared the students won’t like it.” a yoga teacher friend.
“I’m totally stuck” - ALL OF US!!
You know the feeling. You want to try something new, but you feel blocked. Maybe you’re afraid, maybe there’s not enough time, maybe there’s a cosmic weight keeping you from changing. But no matter the reason, the outcome is the same. You’re stuck.
This is obvious, but when you’re stuck, nothing’s moving. Inertia gathers around you and pretty soon it can feel impossible to get going. It leads to an inner heaviness. Sluggishness. It can seem like something’s missing or life is passing you by while you’re stuck being stuck.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of the opposite of stuckness not only as movement, but specifically as pulsation.
Life Pulses
In healthy systems, life pulses. There are short fast pulses - like the flicker of the screen you’re reading this on, or the pulsing of solid matter into and out of existence.
There are pulses of breath and heartbeat that happen several times a minute to keep you alive. There are the longer pulses in our bodies of hormonal cycles and circadian rhythms.
Step outside and you’re in even bigger cycles of moon phases, and seasonal shifts. From there you can go cosmic to the lifecycle of stars, the constant expansion of our Milky Way galaxy all the way to the ongoing expansion from the Big Bang.
If you’ve taken a yoga class with me, you’ve heard me say this many times as we play with pulsation in our poses. (the Sanskrit word for pulsation is spanda).
We are embedded in pulses upon pulses upon pulses. All of life is in a constant dance of pulsation. And so are you!
Two Sides of Pulsation
Any pulsation has two sides that constantly give way into each other. One side is a contraction, the drawing inwards towards a center. It’s the core of the sun, or your quieter days. The other side of pulsation is expansion, moving out from the central point. Here we get twinkling starlight and your most outgoing days.
For life to continue you need both. Contraction and Expansion.
For life to get interesting… you can dial up both. What if you make the contraction conscious? And make the expansion dynamic. Now you have Conscious Contraction giving way to Dynamic Expansion in a playful creative dance with life-force energy. Now that’s pretty interesting.
Where are you stuck?
Let’s go back to being stuck. Contracting and expanding shake you free of stuckness. Pulsation is the way out. If you’re moving, you can’t be stuck. So if you ARE stuck, it’s time to get pulsing in your life.
Since pulsation has two sides, the first thing to do is to notice which side you’re stuck on. You could be stuck in a more contracted place, or a more expanded place. If you’re contracted, you’re holding on to old ideas, old ways of doing things, old visions to the point of clinging. You’re too tight. It’s time to loosen the reins.
Or you might be stuck in expansion. If you’re expanded, you’ve likely given yourself away. Your energy has gone out so far that you almost can’t get it back. You’re too open, it’s time to tighten up.
Go the Other Way
Once you know where you are, it’s time to play with the opposite side of the pulse.
For my friend the writer I suggested that she have mini dance parties. She was very restricted around her writing routine. So restricted that she blocked her words. When she started dancing, though, her body got loose, her heartbeat sped up, and she felt playful enough to write with abandon.
For the coaching client who always felt caught in other people’s schedules, we worked on contracting. In this case it meant boundaries. Conscious contraction meant saying ‘No’ to the extra school committee (among many other things). The Nos led to more time to connect with herself. With more quiet, she feels centered and capable. Now she’s starting to dream up her ideal life, one that has her interests at the center.
I won’t say that pulsation is always easy. There are times when the contraction feels so opaque that you can’t remember ever expanding. If you’re in that much inertia, especially if it lasts a long time, it’s time to talk with a mental health professional or your doctor.
Trust the Pulse of Life
But the good news about pulsation is that it really does want to happen. It really always IS happening. That means that if you’re briefly stuck in a contraction or you’re too expanded you can trust that eventually you will come back to the opposite.
Pulsation reminds us that life is always changing. Fighting the pulsation by holding on too tightly, or trying to stay open only leads to suffering.
Knowing that pulsation can and does happen lets you trust in the changes in your life. Not only that, participating in the pulsation is how you get yourself unstuck, and make life into a dance you want to be part of.
I can report that after years of feeling stuck in my professional life, and in my relationships I finally feel like I’m really moving. My feet that felt sealed in concrete are finally taking steps.
It didn’t happen through force. It didn’t happen through wishing. It happened by noticing all the tiny places where I was holding on too tight, and by loosening my grip. It happened by pulling back from over extending so that I have more life force to direct into my own dreams. It happened because whenever I felt low or stuck, I trusted that things would change. And they did.
Your life is pulsing too. If you’re feeling stuck, notice where your’e holding too tight or are out too far. Make a small movement in the opposite direction. I know that if you step into the great dance of pulsation and amplify it. It will help you create a life you love.
Wanna try this in your body? This yoga practice amplifies pulsation (spanda) in your practice on the way to Ardha Chandrasana (Malf moon pose) and a variation. Sign up for my Naturally Aligned newsletter to access the class.