Perhaps this is the wrong thing for a life coach to say if I want more business, but: Aren’t you wonderful? How well-made. How beautifully constructed, inside and out.
Oh how I wish you could see yourself in the light that I see you in. You are such the perfect expression of you - being you and becoming you. Exactly on time, exactly right.
How delightful you are in your struggles and in your triumphs. Lost in the woods or forging your unique way through every twist and turn, aren’t you delightful. Such beauty. Such wonder. Such Light. Such goodness.
This is really honestly how I see you as you sit across from me… a wondrous beauty, a blessing of Shakti’s continued unfolding. How lucky am I to bear witness? How lucky, how grateful.
And yet. I know this is not what you see when you look in the mirror. When you sit before me you see flaws (all of them). You see darkness, confusion, tragedy. You see stress, irritation, and stuckness. A person not living up to her potential, not being who she wants to be.
And you see how harmed you’ve been; the ways they kept hurting you. The ways you’ve kept hurting yourself. You don’t see the underlying beauty. You only see the overlaid ugliness. You see only problems, problems that sink into your bones.
By the time you get to me you think there’s something tragically wrong with you. You’re convinced you need to be fixed, and secretly afraid it can’t be done. Thing is, you’re right.
You can’t fix something that isn’t broken. And you, dear one, aren’t broken.
Yes, maybe you’re hurting right now. Mired in sadness, grief, pain. But hurting is not broken. Hurting is human. Can you stop trying to fix your humanity? Could you start loving her instead?
Yes, maybe parts of your life aren't working right now. You’re out of integrity with who you want to be. You’re falling down the same hill over and over. Life not going your way doesn’t mean YOU need fixing. Can you endeavor to try something new, to change something about how you live? Can you love yourself while you grow?
The world has done such a number on you, on me, on all of us to confound our thinking so much that we only see the problems to be fixed, not the beauty to be celebrated. Yes, you’re a human who struggles. But that doesn’t make you broken. That doesn’t require “fixing.”
So what is the way through? It isn’t sexy or a quick fix. It starts with stepping back from seeing problems that need to be fixed. It’s stepping back and seeing the hurt, the pain, the struggle. Stepping back into witnessing, where you can realize there’s more than the pain.
Then holding your sad, hurt, broken-feeling self with compassion. Seeing her. Hearing her. A C C E P T I N G her. Moving in the direction of loving her. The biggest “hacks” for “fixing” yourself aren’t hacks at all. They are the deepest heart emotions… Compassion, Acceptance, Love.
All of these are easier said than done when you’re in a whirlwind of pain or are caught in a seemingly unbreakable pattern. But there are ways to move in their direction. Called by the light of your own heart you’ll find what works for you. Here’s what has worked for me in the past:
- Yoga - especially with teachers who consistently reminds me to embody my wholeness
Journaling - Offering love and assurance to the hurt, sad, “broken” selves
Working with trusted teachers and coaches. Having others reflect back to me what I couldn’t see in myself yet.
Creating - the creative process transmutes the raw feelings to give them expression, that brings you back into feelings of wholeness inside yourself
Actively making changes in my life not to “fix” myself or my life, but from the stance of being worthy of a life that feels good. (again, usually with the help of coaches or teachers)
I wonder if you lit up a little when you read the beginning of the piece. Did you feel a little brighter in your seat even if you’re currently curled around your phone? I bet you did. And you did it because you know, deep in your bones, that it’s true.
You are beautiful and wonderful and well-made and all of it. What a relief to set down the “fixing”, to let go of being a constant self-improvement project, and to instead love yourself. To pour compassion and acceptance on the fullness of your life. And then to choose. To choose who and what gets your attention, not because you’re broken, but because you are completely whole.
You deserve a life that you love. That can start with remembering you’re not broken. You are a blessing.