Dispatch from La-La Land #3
|with babe #1 in 2008|
Sunday was Mother's Day. My first with two little ones instead of one. It is a strange world to be entering into. A world of extremely divided attention where I can't seem to make the car go where I want it to go - wrong turns abounding- and forming complete coherent sentences requires way more brainpower than I seem to possess. But that will all shift back.
It is also a world of finding an even deeper appreciation and compassion for my own mother. She had 4 of us! Holy Moly! Talk about divided attention spans.
But here is what I want to say about mothers. The more and more I talk to many different people - women and men - it becomes abundantly clear to me that this mother/child relationship is absolutely primary. Now, as I hold my son and literally keep him alive and growing by attaching him to my body that is quite obvious. Later, it does not seem so. But I can tell you, it still is. The women I talk to and hang with all want to discuss their mothers. And even men too. Good or bad Mother relationship is the Mother of all relationships.
(it is so daunting to think and write this as I start the journey of mothering two little souls)
But I want to say also is that it isn't static and it can change. I even believe it can change if you are estranged from your mama or she isn't living anymore. It can change.
Many of us want it to come from Mom down to child. But I think as awake-aware-adult-children we have the opportunity to take it UP to mom.
I think it is incredibly important to ourselves, our families, and our communities that we heal the mother/child relationship... but to heal it as the adult-child/mother relationship. Look who leads the way... the child (50+ years old doesn't matter). It has always meant to be this way... baby cries mom responds, the child leads the mother follows.
So many of us are afraid to be who we really are with our own mothers. And for so many mothers that's all they want to see or be invited into. And so many of us are afraid to tell our mothers the truth about state of our adult-child/mother relationships or about some other part of our lives. I think mothers can be more resilient than we think. Time may be required for it to sink in, but amazing healing does happen with persistent effort.
I think healing can actually happen. One tiny step, phone call, conversation, admittance... whatever at a time.
That's it. Mothers are incredibly important, heal with yours if you can.