How to be a Whole Hearted Listener
It’s been a long day… week… month… year… decade… lifetime. You’re worn to a thread. And here comes your Beloved, a child, an elder needing your ear.
How impossible to call up anything within yourself that could listen. Your bones ache for bed. Your brain offers its endless tirade of complaints. You have not a shred of attention left for this dear human. You can’t be a “good listener” right now. You just can’t.
And yet. This moment, this simple moment is of the utmost importance. Because in this moment they need your heart to hear their words. And, in this moment, you can offer that.
Whole Hearted Listening
Whole Hearted Listening is not a doing. It is not a posture. It’s not holding outer silence while mentally spinning through webs of your own thoughts. It’s not preparing the next thing you’ll say. It’s not fixing or judging.
It doesn’t take work. There’s no effort. There’s simply opening and receiving with every cell of your being.
Have you ever been listened to that way? Like someone’s bones resonated with every syllable that left your mouth? Like every fiber of their being was with you?
Have you ever been heard in someone else’s heart?
Then you know what it feels like.
Space & Noticing
If you take away the work and the trying to be good at it, Whole Hearted Listening is as simple as breathing. And as close. It starts with getting quiet inside. How could you hear a single thing if your mind is full of noise?
So, get out of the way. If your stuff is in the foreground, then there’s no space for their words to enter. Make a space where it can land inside you. Open to receive what’s said like it’s a precious gift. No matter what they say it is a precious gift.
This can happen in an instant. They appear with something to say, and you soften your body, your mind, your heart. Ready for the next sentence. You drop your attention from the clatter of mind stuff that drones all day into the vibrancy of your body and the pulse of your heart.
So first you drop in, and open up.
And then at exactly the same time you welcome yourself. Not the busy mind stuff that want’s to grab your attention. No, you welcome your natural responses. Notice your body as you hear what they’re saying. Notice what you think. Notice and listen. You don’t need to do anything with what you notice. Just notice inside, listen outside. Notice, listen.
Presence
The dance of noticing and listening brings you into the present. Notice and listen from the depth of your heart and you are Presence. When you listen from your heart you become compassionate, loving, sacred presence. Our true presence is what we can give each other even in the most difficult of circumstances.
Can you imagine a world where we really listened to each other?
Practice is Required
What you know is that on those bone crushing days, Whole Hearted Listening is easier said than done. There’s a lot of momentum to trap you in your own stuff. Turning your attention away from all of that takes practice.
So practice.
Practice making space in the ongoing noise. Practice all the time. There’s just SO MUCH out there that wants to fill the quiet - anxiety, noise, distraction, everyone’s needs, everyone’s desires, & dreams. Even a song in your head can make it harder to deeply listen.
So we practice inwardly sweeping the room, making inner space. Folks have found ways … journaling, meditation, talking with a trusted listener. Standing by a flowing river your thoughts will be away on the current.
Making space is paramount. Try all you want to listen, but if you don’t make space for the words to penetrate your defenses and reach the soft part inside you, then you’ll never hear what’s said. Not really. You might get the outer shell. You might get the content, but you won’t get the deeper meaning or the feelings underneath.
What you’re really listening for
Underneath it all, there is always a longing for connection. Open your heart, open your bones, and you’ll feel it. You’ll sense the pulse beneath the words.
What is it you’ll sense?
Love
Under the anger, frustration, delight, complaints and yes, even the most profound grief imaginable ….. you’ll find Love.
Pause a moment.
Set your own dramas aside.
Open and receive this most important moment.
And listen for LOVE with your whole heart.
It might take practice, but I promise you’ll hear it.
Whole hearted listening is a gift we can give to the world, but it honestly takes practice. Most of us aren’t very present.
For the last 10 years I’ve participated in a weekly a circle with other women and I’ve listened as best I could. Sometimes I’m in my heart, sometimes I’m not. But the practice has made me more present and a better listener at home.
That’s why Whole Hearted Listening is a huge component of my small group coaching circle called Practice Your Truth. I”ll be running a 5-week short session this June and registration is open. If you want to know more CLICK HERE