My problem with “Celebrity” Coaches.. And Yoga Teacher Red Flags
We know what’s in the files. We’ve seen the big names making atrocious comments about horrific crimes. We know. And we’re mad.
This post is a little different from what I usually write, but in light of so much abuse of power, I hope you will find these thoughts useful. My intention is to continue to support your empowerment and discernment as it relates to who you choose to learn with.
The Wellness World has Issues
My work firmly sits in the wellness world. As a yoga teacher and life coach I’m invested in the wellbeing of my clients and students. Over the years, I’ve seen some things that leave a bad taste in my mouth. They give me pause. And they keep repeating so it’s worth mentioning here.
I am grateful to say that I haven’t been a victim in the wellness world the way so many others have. But at this point I have a discerning view on what feels ok and what raises concerns.
My Problem with “Celebrity” Coaches
Let’s talk about coaching first. Specifically, celebrity coaching.
When I say celebrity coaching I mean people like a Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins or the celebrities in the files. These are coaches who’s business models revolve around appealing to the masses. They fill auditoriums or sell out book tours. They offer online courses to hundreds at a time.
Because they work on such huge scales, they don’t know your name. They don’t know your story or your roadblocks. They don’t personalize what they teach. And they’re not in an exploration with you. They ask you to pay a LOT of money to get into the room (or Zoom) with them - and then give you the same exact experience that they’re giving everyone else.
Having seen the aftermath, I can tell you: it doesn’t work. Tons of clients come into my coaching practice having spent a lot of time and money with celebrity coaches. They’ve done the 6-week online course. Or they’ve been on a “transformative” retreat. They felt good for a while. But after a short time they’re back where they started.
This is so frustrating because coaching can be incredibly powerful. But it only works when there’s consistency. Those transformative experiences only last if you integrate them. The celebrity coaches don’t help with that, they’re long gone.
In fact, these coaches often have very little education or experience to actually get in the weeds to help. There are plenty of stories of folks being very much harmed by celebrity coaches’ inability to deal with the things that come up in their programs.
Coaching is a Relationship
Coaching works in relationship. Relationship builds over time. Celebrity coaches don’t have years to meet with you 1:1. They’ve got to get their next book written, be on the next podcast, and launch their new protein products. (not to mention steal other people’s IP) so they can stay relevant and keep the celebrity going. The only way to meet with them 1:1 is to pay even more extreme rates.
There is so much that is problematic in the wellness world, but this lack of integrated relationship, lack of human connection is what gets me the most.
I don’t mean to say don’t take “Guru Bob’s” six day transformational retreat in Bali. I do encourage you to do your homework about their integrity, decide if it’s a where you want to put your resources, and get what you can from it. You might really enjoy it.
But if you really want to change, book a committed coach to help you personalize and integrate the experience. The 1:1 relationship makes all the difference.
Turning to Yoga
While we’re on this conversation about the wellness world, I’ve also been a yoga teacher and student for more than 20 years. Some things give me pause in the studio. Here are those red flags.
Of course there are the obvious ones like bigotry, discrimination, racism (all the -isms) touching without permission, verbal, physical or sexual abuse and anything else that would get someone in trouble with the law. This list is quite long, and you’ve probably seen it.
Not so obvious Yoga Teacher Red Flags
The teacher that knows THE WAY . There’s no room for others’ experiences, opinions, or expertise. There’s no understanding of yoga as a vast tradition that has always held multiple contradictory viewpoints. They don’t understand that what works for them, doesn’t work for everyone. They don’t understand that what works for their class doesn’t work for others with different backgrounds or physicality.
The teacher is the ultimate authority. They don’t allow questions or feedback. They don’t allow the student to trust her body / inner authority. This teacher may be highly offended if the student also studies with other teachers, or explores complementary disciplines. They don’t believe they have anything more to learn and may believe they are beyond all teachers or therapists.
Along those lines, it’s not ok to disagree with the teacher, especially not in public. if you express a difference of opinion you are reprimanded. Oftentimes the teacher’s temper that is never shown publicly comes out privately. The loving persona does not continue in private conversation.
The teacher has been teaching for a while but they don’t have any longtime dedicated students. Dedicated students suddenly leave. Or the dedicated students are paranoid, backstabbing, jostling for position or otherwise not welcoming.
The teacher (or studio) creates in-group / out-group dynamics. It’s especially harmful when this is done intentionally. If that’s the case I’d run. But if it’s unintentional, they’re not consciously working on themselves or in the community to open the circle.
The teacher uses the class to get personal attention. Maybe they use it as a therapy session. They dump their mental load on the students. This makes the students uncomfortable as they worry about the teacher. Or they use it as their performance stage. They continuously pull students’ attention rather than directing them to put their attention on their practice.
And there’s the same problem with celebrity teachers as with celebrity coaches. They lack the personal connection. They have no understanding of how the students’ practice has unfolded over time. This can lead to unreasonable demands put on students’ practices or their bodies. As someone who got a lot out of celebrity yoga teachers for a long time, now I’d say that the real treasure is being able to be in the room with the same person week after week for years. That’s where practice unfolds.
Yoga teachers are absolutely human. Some of these red flags happen unintentionally; the teacher is in a blindspot. Sometimes they are based in old conditioning; the teacher is aware of it and works to change. Sometimes these behaviors are ingrained in how the teacher sees the world and they’re never gonna change.
I wouldn’t necessarily immediately run away from every single one of these. But if I saw them, I’d pay closer attention. I’d ask questions or offer feedback and see how it goes. If they’re willing to grow, it can be beautiful to be part of it. If not, it’s time to step away.
My Commitments to You
So maybe we end here.
Going back to coaching, know that I’m here. I occasionally offer programs, workshops, retreats, sure. But always with an open door for you to join me individually.
I’m interested in you becoming who you want to be, not in having you pay for my luxury vacation home. So you’re always welcome to book individual time via my coaching practice. Please know this is an invitation, but there’s never any pressure to do individual work.
And when it comes to yoga, again, I’m here. I ALWAYS invite you to ask your questions, to share your opinion, to disagree with me in the middle of class or any other time. If there’s anything that happens between us that you want to sort out, I invite you always to bring it to me.
That said, if you’ve been with me a while you know that I’m introverted, and my time is sometimes quite short before or after class because of other commitments. I may not have capacity in the moment to have a long conversation. But, I’m always open to it. If the moment isn’t going to work, you can always book (free) 1:1 time via my website to discuss your concerns.
With all the work I share, I have opinions. They’re where my teaching and coaching come from. I will continue to have them. At the same time, I’m a work in progress, learning and evolving as I go. It is my intention that you feel supported and brave enough to do the same in your practice and in coaching.
I hope these thoughts are helpful as you move forward. Please add your own red flags to the list. And may our continued explorations bring greater ease in peace to our hearts. May those qualities infiltrate the world around us.