The Journey & The Destination
Dexter has been with us for almost six months now. He’s a mixed-breed cutie we adopted from a rural animal shelter. When he came he nearly yanked my arm off with his enthusiasm for walks. And, he attempted to eat or intimidate every dog who crossed our paths. I was nervous and embarrassed to take him out; especially on my own.
I like walking my in my neighborhood. And I love having a dog by my side. Having a wild unpredictable beast wasn’t going to work for me.
Enter Mollie, the dog trainer.
And, enter a lot of practicing some really mundane skills. Over and over and over again we walk around the driveway. And we practice and practice and practice. And, because Dexter is a smarty who wants to please us, he’s gotten a lot better. (I’m definitely not worried about him eating small dogs anymore)
Why we’re Walking
This week when we met Mollie for a walk around the park I shared that Dexter still tries to pull ahead while we’re walking. He knows he’s supposed to chill by my side, but there’s a momentum in him, an urgency to go fast.
Mollie nodded sagely. “He’s smart” she told us. “He knows that his job is to walk around, and come home. He really wants to get his job done.” So basically, Dexter is rushing the walk, not because he doesn’t want to walk, or hates being outside, but because he wants to do a good job on the walk. He loves to do a good job.
Mollie went on to explain that our job is to help him realize that going on a walk isn’t about going out just to come home. (even though that’s what it seems like we’re doing). Nope. We’re meant to teach him that going on a walk is special time we get to spend together. The point isn’t getting home, the point is the walk itself.
Essentially I’m supposed to teach my dog that it’s about the journey, not the destination.
It’s the Journey
And that’s pretty much the same thing I try to teach yoga students on a weekly basis.
Because in yoga, the pose matters and it doesn’t matter. It gives us a direction to point towards. It gives us feedback about how our efforts are going. It teaches us about our body’s strengths and limitations, about our mental/emotional states and tendencies. But it ultimately doesn’t matter if you can do downward facing dog with perfected alignment. That’s not going to radically change who you are, strengthen your relationships, or wake you up into enlightenment. Yoga asana practice is definitely a journey practice, not a destination practice.
Sometimes It’s the Destination
There’s more I could say about yoga and journey vs destination, but I’ve been thinking about the other discipline I share and how different things can be when I’m in my role as a life coach.
Sometimes, when I’m coaching, the destination really matters. I’ve helped folks make real changes in their lives: change careers, leave unhealthy relationships, transition into parenthood. And in those instances, where you’re going is important. When every possibility is on the table, choosing to move towards what’s life-affirming rather than life defeating is decidedly important and sometimes really hard. The destination really matters.
But, even with life coaching, the singular destination is never the whole story. Folks who work with me always learn skills that they can take with them into their next big adventure. In the journey to the destination, they’re getting a lot.
Discern What Matters
What feels important today is that we’re able to discern. We need to know when the destination matters, and when it doesn’t. In our individual lives, that can look like making lifestyle changes that ward off disease, or choosing to get support around an addiction, or sticking with yourself to achieve a goal like finishing your novel. These might be destinations that are extremely important for a time.
It could also look like toning down the busyness so that you can have a deeper connection with a friend, turning off your phone so that you can give your full attention to a child, or not worrying about the ‘achieving’ a yoga pose so you can authentically be in your body for a few minutes. These are journeys where the destination is less clear, may never be complete and is frankly, less important.
Discerning when you need to care about the destination more than the journey, and when to relax into the process and let go of the outcome can be difficult. But it helps you set priorities, stand up for what has meaning for you, and also relax and enjoy the unfolding of your life.
Pay Attention
This weekend I encourage you to pay attention to your energy. Are you being like Dexter, rushing to a destination when you could be on more of a journey? Are you meandering through a journey that would be served by setting a specific destination?
Both are needed in specific instances. Both are useful. This weekend, play around and choose what you need to have the experience you want to have.