"Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only love others as much as we love ourselves." - Brene Brown
I seriously love the work of Brene Brown. It is some of the most important work out there today on how to move beyond our fear and into real, (messy as all anything) loving human relationships. In our day and age where technology and culture are driving us more apart than together having this kind of work to remind us about human connectivity is crucial.
Anyhoo. This morning I posted the quote above on my Sarah Fischer Yoga facebook page (like me!) just as my son was waking up from his nap. It occurred to me - I am totally the love of his life right now. I am the person he loves and adores above all others. And not only that, the way that I treat him, the way that I receive his love and offer it back to h
im will set the template for how he will expect every other person he loves and adores to treat him through the rest of his entire life. Whoa.
Needless to say I made an effort to be extremely present for him in that half-hour between his waking and us going to get sister from preschool.
There are moments when being the love-of-life for 3 people at once is a little exhausting and overwhelming. I think it's about 3 right now. My husband (hopefully!), my daughter though at almost 5 her best friend certainly holds about as much adoration as I do, and my 6 month old son who is showing a much stronger preference for ME on a daily basis. And then really I should add myself. That I'm the love of my own life too (alongside my husband and my children). Maybe it's that LOVING so many people seems so fragile. It also seems that receiving love from those people who mean the most to me feels unbearable because some piece of me thinks I'm not worthy of that kind of love.
That, I think is why I like the work of Brene Brown. She just reminds again and again that it IS fragile and be
cause of that it is so important to do our best as often as possible. That we will do well and do terribly at showing up and being present for our own feelings and those of others, but that vulnerability is what brings us into connection, belonging and WORTHINESS.
And that,is the other piece of why I want to do my best to love my son half as openly as he loves me - because I don't want to be the one who teaches him how unworthy he is. I don't want to be the one who shows my daughter that she is less than deserving of total love and belonging. I do want to be part of how my husband and I UN-learn that we are not good enough just as we are. And some days, that kind of work just feels exhausting.
I am grateful for yoga because on the days I practice, the seeing of the good and the remembering the inner perfection in imperfection comes much easier.
Yoga and seated meditation help me return to a deeper awareness. That then helps me be PRESENT. When I am present I am perfect because I'm not worried about past or future or what someone will think. When I am present I am a good enough mother.
When I am present for my children loving them is easy and not overwhelming. It simply feels right, natural, and pure.
And maybe just maybe this huge outpouring of Love in his big bright smile will remind me of my own worthiness, if I can just soften to receive.