I felt a Pop

Seated in meditation at 9:30 in the morning with 25 other people.  Sitting in the sun on a cold Massachusetts morning. Not on my mat but on a blanket. Off to the side of the group.  

Can't get there. Can't drop in.  Not fighting hard, but monkey mind is loose.  On the far end of the arc of the half-circle. Not anxious. Not afraid.  But not IN in the way some of the others are IN already.  

Teacher sitting directly in front of me in the center of the half-circle.  He's guiding us with his words of course.... "finding the space where the wave meets back in with the ocean"...  "returning to the madhya, the midline, the great Heart".... "becoming an ocean-filled wave".  Shakti rolls through and off of him.  Ripples out among us, through us, beyond us.  The Absolute moving through him.

It's happening, and I'm not in it.  Not angry, but how can I get there? And then. Instead of seeking my own little personal connection to that flow I step into his. I purposefully entrain myself to the Spirit that is so obviously flowing through him.

Surrender  

I exhale and let it go.  (whatever IT is).   Exhale, Exhale , deeper and deeper... Then a Pop!  Did I hear that or feel it or just imagine it?  Heart swells on the ease of breath.  What I was outside of I am sweetly embraced inside of now. Completely entrained in this loving flow of spirit.

I feel Shakti moving through, the brightness is undeniable (how you feel brightness I cannot explain).  I feel myself spread and expand, I feel all of us.  

It's so simply clear how my head has hijacked my every move lately. It is so simply clear how my recent form of meditation has been keeping me from my own Heart and the wisdom it contains. It is so simply clear how Love holds us all.  

Breath so simple.  Sweet tears dripping quietly down my cheeks.  

And then we sing. Heart bouys on the wave.  Easy Beautiful Grounded.  Another tear or two.

Song quiets. All eyes open.  (others are tear-stained). He guides us to bow to each other, to that light within.

He bows to us each, eye to eye, true seeing to true seeing. Then, even he requires pause. Tears stream down his face for a short moment.  He confesses his deep gratitude for our presence, support, and openness.  Sends us on break.  

Standing, walking to my dear teacher, an embrace heart to heart. Gratitude.  How does one explain? It need not be said. Only Thank You in both directions.  

 

Remembrance from Advanced Yoga Teacher Training: Touch of Grace with Todd Norian, Feb 27, 2016.